April 4, 2015
Russell Crowe: Hollywood A-list actor best known for his crankiness.
Michael Jackson: Music superstar best known for, well, you know.
I am not making this one up. Russell Crowe may be making this one up, but I am in no position to challenge him. (And if I were, I still wouldn’t do it. I am not crazy.)
According to Crowe, he was the victim of prank calls for years, all perpetrated by Michael Jackson. I’ll let the New York Post (our motto: “Sure, whatever, we’ll print it.”) take it from here:
The only thing in that article that raises a suspicious note is that Michael used “a strong voice.” I imagine that even your average castrati could muster a stronger voice than Michael Jackson.
“Do you have Prince Albert in a can? OOOOH! Just kidding, this is Michael!”
Am I the only one who imagines Russell Crowe acting just like Moe from the Simpsons? “Listen up Michael, when I catch up to you I’m going to rip your lungs out of your anus!” Then he pulls the phone out of the wall and throws it out the window.
However, I am happy to say that the story gets even better from here. I’ll let the New York Daily News (our motto: “buy us for our pretty ads.”) continue:
Russell Crowe has just jumped to the top of the list of people I’d like to have dinner with. This guy has all the best stories.
I really want to know what his fake name was. It couldn’t have been “Mr. Big Pants.” That’s me.