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Michael Jackson vs. Russell Crowe: This Is Real

4 Apr

April 4, 2015

Russell Crowe: Hollywood A-list actor best known for his crankiness.

Michael Jackson: Music superstar best known for, well, you know.

I am not making this one up. Russell Crowe may be making this one up, but I am in no position to challenge him. (And if I were, I still wouldn’t do it. I am not crazy.)

According to Crowe, he was the victim of prank calls for years, all perpetrated by Michael Jackson. I’ll let the New York Post (our motto: “Sure, whatever, we’ll print it.”) take it from here:

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The only thing in that article that raises a suspicious note is that Michael used “a strong voice.” I imagine that even your average castrati could muster a stronger voice than Michael Jackson.

“Do you have Prince Albert in a can? OOOOH! Just kidding, this is Michael!”

Am I the only one who imagines Russell Crowe acting just like Moe from the Simpsons? “Listen up Michael, when I catch up to you I’m going to rip your lungs out of your anus!” Then he pulls the phone out of the wall and throws it out the window.

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However, I am happy to say that the story gets even better from here. I’ll let the New York Daily News (our motto: “buy us for our pretty ads.”) continue:

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Russell Crowe has just jumped to the top of the list of people I’d like to have dinner with. This guy has all the best stories.

I really want to know what his fake name was. It couldn’t have been “Mr. Big Pants.” That’s me.

Picture Postcard: Lou Costello Memorial, Paterson NJ

30 Mar

March 30, 2015

Abbott and Costello are some of my favorite comedians, and growing up I devoured their films and, when I could find it, their TV show. Later I became a fan of their radio show, and I can still recite the entire Who’s on First routine. (One of my favorite movies? Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, and the American Film Institute agrees.)

Lou Costello was born in Paterson New Jersey and never forgot his roots, even more than simply ending most radio shows “goodnight everyone in Paterson New Jersey!” and working his hometown into many routines, he gave back, funding youth centers and civic organizations.

In Lou’s honor, the city of Paterson erected a statue and memorial in his honor. I had always wanted to see it, and when I found myself in Paterson over the weekend I had to make sure to stop there. Paterson isn’t the place it once was (in fact, the police were interviewing some sketchy characters while I was there) but the statue and memorial are clean and graffiti free. And while the surrounding area is in serious need of economic redevelopment, I can say that the people there seemed to have pride in the neighborhood.

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Apartment Hunting Nightmare #1

16 Mar

March 16, 2015

Picture this: An affordable apartment in a great neighborhood. You agree to meet the landlord at 1:00 and get there early. By 1:20 she isn’t there. So you call her back and she tells you that she was there, didn’t see you, and left. That doesn’t make sense since you were sitting in your car right in front of the place and never saw her, but this time you get out and stand in the doorway, in the rain , so she doesn’t miss you. A few minutes later she arrives and you go upstairs with her where she tries to unlock the apartment door and fails. The door has a brand new lock, for which she has the key, and a very old lock, for which she doesn’t have the key. She tries to open the door again, you try to open the door, and eventually you both give up. You leave, never having gotten to see the apartment.

True story.

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