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Arise, Pumpkins, Arise!: Rise of the Jack-o-Lanterns 2014

19 Oct

October 19, 2014

For the third year in a row, I went to the dark and spooky Old Westbury Gardens for the annual Rise of the Jack-o-Lanterns! This is where you walk through a dark country park with spooky music playing, all the while gawking at amazing pumpkins. It is always a lot of fun and this year, they made sure that the carvings were all new. In fact, all three years I’ve been there, they’ve changed it up every year. You can see pics from previous years here (Jack-o-Lantern Avengers) and here (Big Bang Theory pumpkins). Be on the lookout for some Modern Family pumpkins in this assortment.

Click on the thumbnails for larger images.

Thanks to Allan Keyes for allowing me to use some of his pictures.

 

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FUN WITH TEH INTERNETS RETURNS! (Sorry, but Allan Keyes is back too.)

17 Oct

October 17, 2014

keyes

Give this a look before you read below. The relevant scene runs from 21:25 – 21:36

ab1

Just in case anyone was wondering about how the sitcom March Madness thing shook out, Fonzie won it, beating out the episode of Too Close for Comfort where Monroe was raped by two bulldyke “women” and at the end Mr. Rush just barely escaped that awful fate also.

No, really. That happened.

monroe raped

I’d say to expect some more of my doggerel when I can pump it out, but in the meantime I daresay it’s good to be back.

And look who else is back!

fat guy heart

My Corporate Pancake Breakfast

10 Oct

October 10, 2014

Fluffy, golden pancakes. Butter, maple syrup, fresh fruit, orange juice, and of course, bacon. It sounds good, sounds very good. I’d really like to have a good breakfast like that.

The breakfast I had at the office last week was not totally dissimilar.

I’ll get to it soon enough.

This is Employee Appreciation Week at the Company I Am employed by. While I am not allowed to name The Company, I’ve said in the past that it is huge, national (some would say multi-national) and with amazing resources.

It is also incredibly cheap. For Employee Appreciation Week, the organizers were given a budget that was the equal of, and get ready to be blown away, $2 per person.

Yup, $2. So here’s the breakdown of the events of Employee Appreciation Week. Try to see where the $2 went.

Day 1- Funny hat day! Play Bingo at your desk! (We were emailed a new number every 5 minutes.) Free granola bar!

Day 2- Hawaiian shirt day! Everyone got a plastic lei.

Day 3- Trivia! Every hour a new trivia question was emailed to us. The catch? The questions were about The Company.

Day 4- Decades Day! Wear the clothes of your favorite decade!

Day 5- Pancake Breakfast Day!

Oh, there were four balloons near the doors on every floor, and three streamers in the hall. But the big ticket item, which must have cost as much at $1.85 out of every $2, was the pancake breakfast.

The breakfast was served from 8 to 9:30 am by the corporate executives and directors. Unlike past corporate meals where we were given a specific time to eat, we were allowed to go whenever we wanted. Of course, everyone wanted to go at 8, so the line was pretty long.

When we got into the cafeteria, the food was set up on tables in front of the usual serving area. In other words, the food was nowhere near the stoves, ovens, griddles, hot tables, etc. This was not a good sign.

Our first stop was by the Director of my division, who handed us a small Styrofoam box. Remember the McDLT that McDonald’s used to beg us to buy? (“The hot side stays hot, the cold side stays cold. Really, we think someone will buy this”) The Styrofoam containers were roughly the same size, meaning our pancakes breakfast would be served in a box roughly the size of two Big Mac boxes side by side.

mcdlt-box

The next station was the pancakes. I’ve eaten my fair share of pancakes in my life. I love IHOP and go well out of my way for the all-you-can-eat pancakes deal. So I know pancakes.

These were not pancakes.

These were very thin, almost see-through, and about 2/3 the diameter of a normal pancake. They were stacked up in a large tin tray and the server, another Director, asked me “one pancake or two?” I said “how about 13?” He laughed and dropped two pancakes in my box, taking up the room of about a couple of sheets of paper.

This was followed by a strip of overcooked bacon and a scoop of mixed fruit. I took a couple of little butter packets and some syrup packets which were generically labeled YELLOW BUTTER and PANCAKE SYRUP (MAPLE).

Lastly was a woman who tried to hand me either a tiny container of orange juice (Tropicana, believe it or not) or a bottle of water. She was not happy when I took both.

And then, Styrofoam container and drinks in hand, we went back upstairs and to our desks to eat since the cafeteria is under construction.

I tried to spread the butter on the pancakes and they tore apart. Then three bites later and my breakfast was finished.

Overall, I’d say that yes, I nearly got my $2 worth out of Employee Appreciation Week.

 

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