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Apartment Hunting Nightmare #2: The Missing Room

17 Mar

March 17, 2015

You are looking for: A three room, one bedroom apartment. Close to the subway a must.

Picture this: Your real estate agent has just what you are looking for. Meet him at 3:00 to see the apartment. You get there and the nearest train is a couple of miles away. There is no street parking in front of the house, which is along a highway exit ramp. The building it is in has rusty children’s toys in front. This is in no way suitable, but the agent asks to you to see the apartment anyway as he made the appointment and does not want to break his word to the owner. (Of course, he has broken his word to you.) You go upstairs and see: One large kitchen, one tiny bedroom, and a bathroom. This is not a three room apartment. The owner claims that yes it is, counting the bathroom. You leave. And you never did find out what lies behind the padlocked door in the kitchen, which seemed to be set into the outside wall of this second story apartment yet was not visible from the street.

True story.

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John Newly Is Slightly Confused (Lying Awake With John Newly 6)

5 Mar

March 5, 20115

Lying Awake With John Newly theme song, Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Junior, ends.

John Newly: Who are you going to call? Why you’re going to call me! Hi, I’m John Newly, your overnight airwaves-buster, and this is Lying Awake with John Newly. Later tonight we’ll be talking with Peter von Strauss about his new book, called President Obama is Just What You Think. I’ve read some of part of one of the chapters of that book and let me tell you, it gave me something to think about. Also tonight we’ll have our regular Wednesday guest, Laura Millings, and she’ll share her investigation into the strange odor reported coming from a pants factory in Detroit. We’re going to start off with some phone calls after these words from our sponsors.

Commercial for WKAT’s Lawrence Welk tribute gala and charity hat-doff.

Commercial for John Newly’s new DVD, Worker in the Blight: How I Caught a Spiritual Flu.

We’re back and tonight I’ve opened up a special “unhealthy dog” phone line. Call in to talk about your unhealthy dog.  Just remember, I’m not a veterinarian, so if I try to prescribe your dog some medicine, you should probably not listen to me. First caller, Ellen from Billings Montana, you’re on the air.

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Caller: Hi John I heard your-

- Billings Montana. Is it cold there?

- show last night. Well, it snowed last night, so yeah, I’d say it’s cold. (Laughs). The reason I’m-

- I bet you get snow all the time in Montana! You should be used to it by now!

- Right, well, I just moved here. Anyway, on your show last-

- I move around a lot too. I used to be in the military. Are you in the military?

- No, I, no…

- Well thanks for the call. Wow, more snow. I think we’ve all had enough of that. Maybe it’s time to do another of our positive thought experiments. OK, everyone concentrate on no more snow. If it is snowing where you are you really have to concentrate hard. No snow. No snow. I’m looking out my studio window and right now it isn’t snowing. (Inaudible, off mic) My producer Fast Eddie just pointed out that it hasn’t snowed here in days. Well, maybe that’s because of my positive thoughts! (Laughs), there’s always a skeptic in every bunch.

We’ll take some more phone calls in just a minute, but first, ask yourself, do you run out of energy when you’re in the middle of a psychic reading? Do your crystals seem to be cloudier than they used to be? Friends, I’ve got just the solution. Call 1-800-555-WUZZIT for a guaranteed psychic solution. Now I can’t legally tell you what it is over the air, but if you go their website, wuzzitnotascam.com, you’ll see everything you can get for only $29.99. I sent them my money and I still haven’t gotten my box, but I was so amazed that I ordered two more anyway. Call now!

 

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Now Marvel Comics Is Doing It!

2 Mar

March 2, 2015

Yesterday we showed you some sneak peeks of the upcoming DC reboots. Well, today I managed to get my hands on one from Marvel and I think the House of (unoriginal) Ideas has really struck out this time. So fans, tell me: What do you think of the upcoming Captain America relaunch? I think Marvel has some serious issues with this one.

cap reboot 2

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