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Uncle Lou

13 Apr

April 13, 2014

uncle lou

If you are looking for proof that there are too many channels and not enough good programs, this is it.

I was up around 1:30 this morning and was just flipping around looking for something to watch when I came across a show on REELZ, a network that specializes in obscurity. The show was called The Capones and it is a reality show that focuses on a family of stereotypical mafia-style Italians named Capone. Are they related to Al Capone? Beats me. I only watched ten minutes, enough to satisfy my curiosity. And what whet my curiosity? This description did.

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“Uncle Lou believes he has the clap.”

Don’t you love this golden age of television? Back when I Love Lucy was on the air, Ricky and Lucy had to sleep in separate beds and they could not say the word “pregnant.” And now, decades, later, here is Uncle Lou catching “the clap.” Ah, progress, you truly are a bitch.

Anyway, I never did find out if Lou has “the clap.” I do know that he has ridiculously dyed eyebrows and mustache. In the scene I saw, Lou confronted one of his relatives, who seemed to be half drunk, about the continued employment in their restaurant of another relative, who seemed to be fully asleep, and was, right next to the bar. Then Lou told her that she seemed to be depressed and told her to see a psychic. Is she a real psychic? Yeah, replied “she has the Shining or something.”

At that point I grabbed my cell phone, snapped a few pics, and changed the channel.

Is this the face of a man with “the clap?” Decide for yourself, but I think that “the clap” is the least of his problems.

And I also believe he has “the clap.”

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Sorry, But There’s ANOTHER New Hipster Trend

7 Mar

March 7, 2014

I really don’t intend this to be hipster central (“Hipsters! Can’t stand them!”) but this was sent in by an alert reader whose sole comment to me was Murderous rage prevents me from typing any more at the moment.

This is excerpted from the New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/06/fashion/the-monocle-returns-as-a-fashion-accessory.html?_r=2

One Part Mr. Peanut, One Part Hipster Chic

The Monocle Returns as a Fashion Accessory

By ALLEN SALKIN MARCH 5, 2014

From the trendy enclaves of Berlin cafes and Manhattan restaurants to gin ads and fashion magazines, the monocle is taking its turn alongside key 21st-century accouterments like sharply tucked plaid shirts and certificates in swine butchering.

Martin Raymond, a British trend forecaster, credits the rise to what he calls “the new gents,” a hipster subspecies who have been adding monocles to their bespoke tweed and distressed-boot outfits. On a recent trip to Cape Town, Mr. Raymond said, he saw such a group carrying monocles along with tiny brass telescopes kept in satchels.

“All of this is part of a sense of irony and a way of discovering and displaying old artisanal and craft-based technology,” Mr. Raymond said. “You see the monocle appearing in Berlin, parts of South Dublin.”

Toby Miller, a cultural historian, said: “Monocles have always marked people out as beyond the crowd, slightly different. On one hand you have the Prussian officer, on the other you have the effete English lord, and then you also have the New York and London lesbian in the 1920′s.”

There is more, a lot more, but the author obviously buys into that nonsense. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to look like a Prussian officer or, better yet, a  1920′s lesbian? Yeah, that’s a desirable look. It goes perfectly while butchering a pig, which hipsters can do, according to this article, because they all have swine butchering certificates.

I can go on and on, but we’ll move on to this picture from the same NY Times article.

Let's be honest: He looks like a squinting idiot.

Let’s be honest: He looks like a squinting idiot.

The man with the half-glasses above is Jose Vega, who is quoted in the article:

“I got it just to have my own style, bring something new to the table,” said Jose Vega, 23, an aspiring Miami rap musician who can be seen sporting a monocle on his SoundCloud page. “Also, I’m nearsighted.”

# 1: He is actively hurting his eyesight by only wearing a half of a pair of glasses.

#2: He is “bringing something new to the table” by wearing an accessory that thousands of other people are now wearing, and has “his own style” by wearing something that all the other hipsters are wearing.

All this guy and every other monocle-wearing doofus is doing is joining the crowd, not starting a trend, but jumping on a trendy bandwagon. Give Pharrell credit. His hat may make him look like a ranger at Jellystone Park, but at least it is unique. No one else is wearing it, at least for now.

No way, Jose. Your may think your monocle screams “look at me! I’m different!” but all I hear is a small pathetic whine of “I just want to be part of the crowd.”

atwill hipster

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The Lost Super Friends TV Pilot

6 Feb

February 6, 2014

Now that the Batman TV show is finally being released on DVD, they really need to release this lost gem.

In the early 1970’s, Universal Television licensed the Super Friends for a live-action television show. The networks, however, were lukewarm on the idea. It was only a few years since the Batman show was canceled, and live-action TV superhero shows were thought of as only appropriate for Saturday morning kids’ shows. (For example, Isis and Shazam.) Universal, though, had spent a significant amount of money on the Super Friends and was not about to let the concept drop. So instead of producing a pilot, they made what is known as a “back door pilot.” For example, the current show Arrow is giving two episodes over The Flash, rather than producing a separate Flash program. This is a backdoor pilot, where if the reaction is good, The flash will get his own show. (In this case, The Flash is already a done deal.)

The Super Friends premiered as guests on an episode of the popular Universal crime movie-of-the-week, McCloud, in the season seven episode “London Bridges,” starring Dennis Weaver as Marshall McCloud.

In this episode, Chief Clifford called in the Super Friends to help protect jewels belonging to a visiting English noblewoman. Unfortunately, Universal could not afford to license all the Super Friends characters.

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Superman was unavailable, the rights tied up with the upcoming movie, and other characters like Flash and Green Lantern were not considered mainstream enough. The McCloud version of the Super Friends consisted of, from left to right, a man dressed as either a gibbon or a mandrill, a magician, The Mad Hatter (who is a villain in the DC comics), The Easter Bunny, and Batman and Robin.

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During the story, McCloud was made a member of the team; a replacement for The Easter Bunny, whose inability to breathe inside his mask made him a liability.

Unfortunately, the casting was, let’s say, less than ideal. While Robin looked alright, Batman was played by a grumpy old man with a paunch. And even worse, Batman didn’t have a utility belt.

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The story itself was not very interesting. The Super Friends were unable to prevent the theft and McCloud recovered the jewels using his Southern drawl. In fact, the Super Friends only appeared in the first act and were not referred to again until the final act, when Apache Chief showed up late and was sent home by Chief Clifford.

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