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In Search of… Sasquatch

27 Feb

 

February 27, 2015

From the celebrity wing of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride, I present this Classic Repost in honor of Bruce Vilanch. Some may wonder why I chose February 27th to honor Mr. Vilanch. To them I respond, there is no bad time to honor Bruce Vilanch.

October 19, 2010

This is the fourth in a series of in-depth and hard-hitting exposés of some of the legendary creatures of cryptozoology. Previous reports focused on the chupacabra, the Loch Ness Monster, and the Monkey Man of New Delhi. You can also find the Mummy of King Tut, Atlantis, the Roswell UFO Crash, Satanic Cults, Demonic Possession, and Zombies, the Winchester Mystery House, and the Devil’s Footprints.

Sasquatch. Yeti. Abominable Snowman. Skunk Ape. Bruce Vilanch.. Legends of unknown and unexplained tall and hairy ape-like hominids have been reported around the world. Even a short list is a lot to type:

Could this be the Canadian Nuk-luk?

Almas – Mongolia
Amomongo – Philippines
Ban-manush – Bangladesh
Barmanou – Afghanistan and Pakistan
Batutut – Vietnam
Bigfoot – North America
Chuchunya – Siberia
Fear liath – Scotland
Fouke Monster – America
Grassman – America
Hibagon – Japan
Mande Barung – India
Mapinguari – South America
Momo the Monster – America
Nuk-luk – Canada
Orang Mawas – Malaysia
Orang Pendek – Indonesia
Skunk ape – America
Yeren – China
Yowie – Australia

Frankly, that’s too much territory. We’ll focus on Sasquatch. Why? Because I live in North America and that makes us neighbors. It would be very embarrassing if the Sasquatch decided to drop by unexpectedly, even more so if he didn’t exist.

Habitat

Native American lore is full of stories about creatures resembling descriptions of Sasquatch across the country. These giant ape-like people were supposedly here before the arrival of the Indians. They lived as one with nature. The Indians traded with them and respected their areas. Some even regarded the Sasquatch as gods. However, by the time the Europeans arrived, there was no trace of the Sasquatch. No explanation has yet been found for the Sasquatch’s disappearance, but it is worth noting that the in the native Hekawi language, “sasquatch” means “burgers.”

Sasquatch, or Bigfoot, can be found almost anywhere in the United States and Canada. They usually stay in remote wooded areas, though when around humans they try to blend into their surroundings. This Bigfoot was found at a monster truck rally.

However, not all Sasquatch are as patriotic and most do not display the flag.

Proponents of Sasquatch point to what they call the overwhelming proof: footprints, photos, films, audio recordings, and eyewitness accounts. Skeptics point to the facts that no one has captured a living Sasquatch, found a dead Sasquatch or the remains of a Sasquatch, and all the photos seem to be pretty bad fakes. Pro-Sasquatch supporters retort that we’ve yet to see the change President Obama promised but many still believe in that too.

The Patterson Film.

This is the most famous evidence of the Sasquatch. According to Roger Patterson, he was walking through the woods near his home in California when he saw what he believed to be a female Sasquatch walking through the growth. Grabbing his movie camera, he shot some of the most well known images of Bigfoot. The short film, less than two minutes in duration, has been analyzed more times than the Erin Andrews peephole video. Although most agree that the film was untouched, scientists were split. Some said the film was undoctored and showed a Sasquatch. Others said it was undoctored but showed a man in an ape suit. In 2006 a consensus was reached that film was real and untouched, but did not show either a Bigfoot or a man in an ape suit. It was Michael Moore.

Of course, the bigger mystery is, why was Roger Patterson stalking Michael Moore? Conspiracy theories abound, the most likely of which is that Patterson just became sick of Moore’s wacko nonsense.

What else do we know about the Sasquatch?

The Bigfoot is often misidentified. Commonly mistaken for it are bears, Chewbacca, and professional wrestlers.

Perhaps a potentially plausible primitive primate possibility?

Gigantopithecus

This was a giant primate that lived in China thousands of years ago. Somehow, it spread throughout the world and has become the basis of the Yeti, Sasquatch, Vilanch, etc legends. How did it do this without being seen? Beats me.

A final word.

Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot’s droppings or shut up!
Ranger Park: I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot.
(Futurama)

That sums up the Sasquatch debate as neatly as anything else I’ve heard.

Imponderable #124: Journalism in Ghana

24 Feb

February 24, 2015

This article comes from a Ghana website, which may help explain quite a few things.

myst1

I could say a lot about this story, but ever since I read about the panty-stealing goblin of Zimbabwe I’ve been a bit jaded.

But regardless, the real Imponderable is about the author of the story. Here’s his bio from the site:

myst2

Daniel Russell. Reporter – Pulse. A student of Central University College. A writer and entertainment analyst, am a simple anti-social dude sometimes a freak, am a workaholic who is working hard to become a mogul and a film maker.

So I guess it doesn’t take much to write for Pulse.

The question is obvious and Imponderable.

‘Nuff said.

 

 

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The Bigfoot Lady. You Expect Us To Believe This?

26 Jan

January 26, 2015

I listen to Coast to Coast AM on a fairly regular basis, at least when I am awake. I avoid a lot of the political and conspiracy topics and try to listen to the UFO and paranormal-themed shows.

Recently, guest host Dave Schrader (who is as bad an interviewer as George Noory- man, he lets his guests ramble! – but is far less unintentionally funny) interviewed a woman who moved into, and continued to live in, a home that was under constant Bigfoot attack.

Sound good? Here are some highlights.

  • When she and her husband first saw the house, it was full of holes. The walls, the roof, inside the stove, everywhere. There was some sort of damage (some of it the woman refused to describe) everywhere. It was extensive and the house needed a lot of repair. And still they bought it!
  • The damage was explained by the seller was coming from her foster children, some of whom had emotional issues.
  • The house was the last one in its row, in “a residential area,” yet was directly across from a “dark and creepy” forest.
  • Strange sounds came from the forest.
  • There were constant sounds of banging and scratching coming from her walls, as if animals were attacking the house.
  • She and her family heard “voices” and saw “peeping toms” outside their windows.
  • Her family’s vehicles were always found with the batteries drained. They believed that they were being used by strange people who lived in the woods and wanted warmth, yet the husband refused to lock the garage since “it was a nice neighborhood.”
  • The woods were, they believed at first, home to odd and dangerous people who lived like animals. Their “kids” (who she later said were 16 and 21!) would leave food in the woods in exchange for their safety.

And all this is before the Bigfoot even enter the story! Eventually she produced “proof”: tapes of alleged Bigfoot howls that could have been either a coyote or a garbage truck, and on the Coast website, a video that showed either a large duck or a small outhouse lurking across the street- seriously, it was a blob-like shadow that was on frame for about 2 seconds. There’s more “proof” on her website, which I won’t name, all of which is about as conclusive.

big_foot_out_house_by_brandtk-d4mh4jw

And then, in a moment of anguish, she emotionally wailed “I don’t understand why people say Bigfoot isn’t real! Don’t they see all this?” Well, no, all we see is a nut.

Is it fair of me to call her a nut? Decide after this.

She also believes Dog-men live in the woods across the street.

Of course, her neighbors saw nothing, and if you do believe in Bigfoot, her story goes against every other single story or account of Bigfoot ever published, so that not only is she making it all up, but she doesn’t even know what it is she’s making up.

So to recap, her house is regularly attacked by Bigfoot (Bigfeet?) who destroy her home, somehow drain the batteries of her cars, peep in her windows, bang on her walls, scare her at night with their talking, and demand food as tribute. They ripped apart the trees in her backyard and despite all the time they spend on her property, she hasn’t managed- or even tried- to snap a single picture of them.

I’m not sure how the Dog-men fit in, but I bet they are not housebroken.

Has she left?

No she has not. And it has been 3 years.

Her story got more and more ridiculous as the night went on, to the point that a caller did what callers very, very rarely ever do on Coast to Coast: He called the Bigfoot Lady out as a liar and a fraud simply making up a story to sell books (she has two).

Coast to Coast has many guests with outrageous stories, but most of the time, they believe them. They either fall for bad pseudo-science or misinterpret scriptures, or, like the case of Richard C. Hoagland, are just total gullible fools. Until recently, Hoagland was the show’s “scientific advisor.” I guess George Noory had to finally distance himself from that kook after he misidentified one too many Martian rocks as Nike sneakers.

I, and most listeners, get a kick out of those guests, but total liars just bring out the anger. No one likes to be played for a fool.

Which brings me to Dave Schrader. He has his own show, and he recently had this woman on that program. So either he buys her nonsense or simply puts her on for her entertainment value.

The woman still fears for her family, so much so that she has gotten to the point where she, well, does nothing about it.

Ah, late night radio.

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