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Star Wars: The Force Awakens, And Has Breakfast

26 Jan

January 26, 2016

Star Wars is back, and in the grand tradition of movie tie-ins, it has its own cereal. But I’m a little confused. Are Yoda and Darth Vader about to square off over a bowl of cereal? I guess there weren’t many grocery stores a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. Yoda looks pretty angry. I’m not sure I’d like to stare at that face over my breakfast table. Is he daring me to eat that cereal? This is a little violent for breakfast.

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Maybe it is all just a Jedi mind trick.

But not to be left out, the Trix Rabbit also got in on the act. Here he is, dressed as his favorite Star Wars character.

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He’s dressed as Princess Leia. Not what I would have expected. Is there something we should know about him? Seems like an odd choice. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I wonder how that box sold down South? “Yee-haw and fry my griddles! I ain’t having no gol-darn cross-dressing rabbit cereal in this house! Where’s my shotgun? I’m going out to shoot me a good old-fashioned muskrat for breakfast. And somebody check the still. I think I saw some revenuers sneaking around.”

Meanwhile, lost and left out of all the cross-promotion, is poor Jar Jar Binks.

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Little Caesars Pizza Goes Back To 1979

9 Jan

January 9, 2016

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I really don’t know what Little Caesars Pizza is thinking. First of all, here in Brooklyn, there are so many local pizza places that the only thing that keeps chain pizza places alive is their low prices, since any local pizza place blows them out of the water. But accepting that as a given, there are 3 main pizza chains around here, Domino’s, Papa John’s, and Little Caesars.

Domino’s pizza ads are horrendous. Invariably, their pies look old and dry. I have yet to see a commercial where a Domino’s pizza looked fresh. At the other end is Little Caesars. Their pizzas look ridiculously oily in every ad. Papa John’s look the best, but that is damning them with faint praise. But out of the three, by far, Little Caesars has the worst marketing idea.

There was a time when the main knock on fast food was that it was made in advance and sat around under heat lamps until someone bought it. Was your Big Mac made two minutes ago? An hour ago? Nobody knew. So the big innovation was that your food was made when you ordered. Sure, maybe the ingredients were sitting around all day in the back, and maybe it takes an extra ten minutes to get your order, but at least it wasn’t all assembled until you ordered it. It was fresh, or at least a facsimile thereof.

Now here comes Little Caesars. Their ads urge you to avoid “complicated pizza websites.” How hard is it to order a pizza online? Unless you are either a caveman or 108 years old, it isn’t hard at all. Their big innovation is to go to one of their stores (thus losing any convenience ordering online had) and pick up a “hot-n-ready” pizza that is just sitting there, presumably under heat lamps, waiting for you. Was your pizza made two minutes ago? An hour ago? Nobody knows.

We’re going back to the past, people. Its 1979 all over again!

Little Caesars is run by technological Luddites. And their mascot looks like a penis.

little caesars mascot

Little Caesars’ strangely phallic Roman mascot. Note the short and curlies on his chest.

 

 

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