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The Pantsless Peanut

12 Mar

March 12, 2014

Mr. Peanut has received a makeover and as usual he is not wearing pants. The gave him a snazzy, upper-class twit-style waistcoat, but his lower half is still au natural.

I realize that there is a rich history of pantsless anthropomorphic cartoon characters- Donald Duck, Porky Pig, Bill Clinton- but what makes Mr. Peanut stand out is that he is skirting the issue (so to speak) by wearing some sort of leg warmers. They look like pants legs but do not cover his crotch.

Mr_-Peanut1

Why must he walk around with his nut hanging out? He is still instantly recognizable with his lower shell discretely covered.

I say it is time to strike a blow for morals and decency. Join me in my crusade to put a pair of pants on Mr. Peanut.

 

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The Saturday Comics: Darkseid Likes To Sit Down

8 Feb

February 8, 2014

sat com logo

Darkseid is DC’s biggest baddie. At least he was until the New 52. It seems like anything goes around the DC Universe now. Is Darkseid a little girl now? Does he even still exist? Maybe G’Nort is the big bad guy of the DCU.

Anyway, for a guy who rules a whole planet and shoots killer beams out of his eyes, Darkseid sure seems lazy. Take a look at all these images of Darkseid lazing around in a comfy chair or spread out on a soft sofa. This the guy who enslaved the Legion of Super Heroes? Seriously?

Click on the thumbnails to enlarge.

And while were making fun of him, here’s Darkseid about to get his ass kicked by a couple of guys from Subway.

subwaydarkseid

And lastly, here’s Darkseid working part time at McDonald’s.

Darkseid fast food

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So This Is What My Husband Is Wasting His Time On? By Mrs. Allen Keyes.

4 Feb

February 4, 2014

MRS keyes

I recently found out about what my husband Allen does at 3 in the morning. Alone. In the dark. He’s writing a blog!!! The nerve of that crumbbum! At least if it was porn I could deal with it. But he’s a …..blogger. I can barely say the disgusting word. I mean, really. How could I ever face the gals down at the salon if they knew? Why even the Korean girls doing our nails would feel superior to me! NOOOOO!

                       mk1

He can be bothered to blog for what I assume is zero wages (I don’t think this “Mr. Blog” concern is exactly on par with my must-read favorite the HuffPo), but  he can’t be bothered to take out the garbage or wash the dishes or flush the forchrissakes toilet after he eats one of his patented tuna and bologna sandwiches. Tunlogna he calls it. I call it a sure bet to make me waste a can of glade masking the aftermath!

And how he writes about me! He’d make you think I was some kind of vile harpy battering him with rolling pins, frying pans, and the like! Like I would ever hit him with ANYTHING…….well, anything that would leave a mark anyway. Lots of nosy people out there you know.

 mk2

And let me tell you something…..he’s no prince either. Maybe YOU’D like to put up with finding tufts of shedded back hair in your bed most mornings? Who even knew you could have that situation!??!

 mk3

And the string of inanities that comes out of that man’s mouth! I’ve read some of his stuff when he wasn’t around stinking up the house with his gas, so I suppose you actually DO have a clue about how stupid he is. If I have to hear ONE more time about how he wants to own a beagle named bagel, I swear I’ll scream.

So can “Mr. Blog” (if that is your real name? Is your last name really Blog?) just leave my husband Allen alone?  It’s hard enough to get him to wear pants for more than 2 minutes without this blogging thing distracting him. Do you know how humiliating it is when UPS delivers a package and Al is laying around in beat up boxers with the words “Here comes da judge” over the crotch??

Enough with this Mr. Blog sh*t already!

 

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