November 18, 2014
Your Daily Horoscope: November 18th, 2014
- Aries: Today will be a good day to indulge your hidden desires, but not in public! That sort of thing is still illegal in this country.
- Taurus: You will come into money today! A Nigerian Prince will contact you about transferring a large sum of money out of his country. Be sure to give him your social security number.
- Gemini: The moon is in the second house. See loser? Even the moon can afford two houses, and you still live your parent’s basement.
- Cancer: You will get cancer. HA! Just kidding!
- Leo: Avoid using deodorant today. This will keep your boss from approaching you with extra work.
- Virgo: Today will be a great day to email a Taurus while pretending to be a Nigerian Prince.
- Libra: Today is your lucky day! If you’re hoping your wife will ask for a divorce, that is.
- Scorpio: You might want to consider getting a cool tattoo on your face, just like Mike Tyson.
- Sagittarius: Magic 8 Ball says: YES
- Capricorn: You will meet a handsome stranger. His name is Jeph. You will dislike him intensely.
- Aquarius: If you know anyone who is a Taurus, don’t let on that I’m just screwing with him about that whole Nigerian Prince thing, OK?
- Pisces: Insert your own “Uranus is ascending” joke.