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Return Of The Snappy Answers To Silly Newser Headlines (May 2015)

23 May

May 23, 2015

Today, The Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride (Home of the Partially Humorous Post) would like to honor Superfan Edna DeWitt, of Pinesdale Montana. Ms. DeWitt earned Superfan status by sending to us, on 30 consecutive days in April, 30 unsubscribe requests. That’s the kind of dedication we admire. In her honor, we will consider acknowledging her request sometime in the future.

Once again, we check in on Newser.com, whose status as a legitimate news site is at least as dubious as ours.

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Poop Raining From Sky Ruins Girl’s Sweet 16.
Philadelphia family suspects feces came from a plane.

“Suspects?” “Suspects” feces came from a plane? What else could it be, a giant incontinent condor? There’s that old saying, that “when it rains it pours.” Thank God it didn’t happen in this case or I can only imagine what might have come pouring out of the sky on this not-so-sweet 16.

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Snakes Used To Have Ankles.
Ancestor likely had little toes too.

I have a feeling that John Johnson (if that is his real name) has a bit of a fetish. For some reason he focuses on ankles and toes when (and I read the story) the bigger, scarier, and real story is that they had legs. Not just ankles and toes connected to nothing, but legs, which makes the whole idea of snakes on a plane that much worse. “I have had it with these mf-ing snakes with their mf-ing legs on this mf-ing plane!” If snakes still had legs the jig would be up for humanity, although I think that some enterprising sneaker executive could make some cash on it. But snakes with ankles, shapely, curvy ankles, and cute little, alluring toes, that’s the writer’s take on this story, Sheesh.

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“Exciting” New Rabies Strain Found In New Mexico.
It was discovered after rabid fox bit woman.

I can just imagine that woman’s excitement when, after a painful round of rabies treatment, the doctors informed her that she was infected with a new strain of the potentially fatal disease. Yup, and I’m sure the excitement grew even greater when she had to undergo even more painful injections and invasive tests to identify the new strain. I’m just sorry that I wasn’t invited to her party, complete with clowns, cake, and vaccines.

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Latest Target of Kim Jong Un’s Wrath: Failed Lobster Breeders.
Says terrapin farm may “impair prestige” of Korean Worker’s Party.

Because nothing else going on in North Korea could negatively impact their international prestige like a lobster breeding farm gone wrong.

I just don’t see how a lobster breeding farm could possibly fail, as lobsters are well-known as the randiest creatures in the sea.

I think this is how the Roman Empire fell.

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Miley Croons Sad Ballad to Her Dead Blowfish.
While dressed as a unicorn.

Well of course! What else should I have expected? I mean besides almost anything else. I am eagerly looking forward to her next ballad about all the sad lobsters in that failed lobster breeding farm.

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Picture Postcard: FDNY Memorial Statue

22 May

May 22, 2015

I had the honor of attending a ceremony at the FDNY Training Academy on Randall’s Island yesterday. It is an amazing place, and I’ll probably post more pictures (and a longer post) in the future. One of the many things that caught my eye was this statue, dedicated to the firefighters who lost their lives in the line of duty. It is located right outside of one of the main buildings on the site.

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“This Statue is Dedicated to the Spirit and Service of the members of the FDNY who made the Supreme Sacrifice”

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The Saturday Comics: Alley Oop, May 2015

16 May

May 16, 2015

Saturday Comics likes to check in on classic strips and see how they are faring in the modern age. Alley Oop began in 1932 and is still lurching along, I checked in on it in 2011 and again in 2012. I wasn’t impressed. In fact, in 2011 I was convinced they had stooped so as low as to be ripping me off! (And if you are ripping off Mr. Blog’s Tepid Timewaster, that’s low.)

Before going on, it would be very helpful to you to read that 2012 run, as it is very similar to this week’s run. Just click here.

Back then, I complained that it was slow moving and really, nothing much happened in that series. Now let’s see what’s happening right now, in the weeks ending with May 15. I can’t wait!

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Please note that I have no copyright or ownership of Alley Oop, nor is any implied.

Well that sucked.

Talk about long goodbyes! OK, I had the misfortune to come in at the end of a storyline, but how long is it going to take to start the next one? I think nine days is long enough to get moving, especially considering that the majority of the strips are concerned with characters who are leaving the storyline, and presumably won’t be seen again, or at least for quite some time.

But man, nine days? Do I really want to stick around? No I do not.

And to make matters worse, here is the Sunday strip that went in the middle of all that.

Alley Oop Comic

Seriously?

Wow, I could have skipped all the dailies and just read the Sunday strip. Some strips have separate Sunday stories, some continue the weekly story, this one is just a recap! (And the art is recycled from the weeklies too.)

This strip used to be huge. What the heck happened? Dick Tracy still manages to be a fun and well-written strip after all these years so I can’t blame age. I think this strip (and yes, this is a very limited view of the strip) needs an injection of new blood.

I’ll check back in another three years. I’m sure that by then Oop will be, well, probably about the same.

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