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One Day in Metropolis

15 Aug

August 15, 2014

Tourist: Look!

Man: Wha?

Tourist: Look! Up in the sky!

Man: Get outta my way, I’m walkin’ here.

Tourist: Seriously, look in the sky!

Woman: I think it’s a bird or something, I dunno, like an owl.

Man: That guy’s nuts.

Tourist: Look! In the sky!

Woman: Now it kinda looks like a plane. It’s just a plane.

Man: Jeez, I’m supposed to get all excited over a bird? This is Metropolis, try to not see a bird or a plane.

Tourist: It’s Superman!

Woman: That’s all? I’m late for my appointment.

Tourist: But it’s Superman!

Man: Let me tell you something about this Superman, pal. Maybe you wazzn’t here back then, but when Brainiac got a mad on and wanted to kill Supes he didn’t go to no Pittsburgh. He showed up right here and stood right in Shuster Square, daring Supes to hit him right in the kisser. Traffic was tied up for miles. Think I got to work that day? No I did not. Lost my job over that. And unemployment don’t take “lost my job cuz of Brainiac” and pay off a jackpot.

Tourist: But what about Lex Luthor, huh? Superman kept him from destroying the Boring Building.

Man: Yeah, but not before Luthor ripped up half the block. Yeah, Superman saved the Boring Building, but what about the Good Chops Diner down the block? They’ve been closed for three weeks tryin’ ta fix it up. My wife used to work there. Let me tell you, there ain’t no work there now.

Tourist: Well, ok, I’m sorry, but wow, look at him. Don’t you wish you could fly like him?

Man: Yeah, I’d fly away to a place where I ain’t got no bills. MetroBank don’t let you pay off your credit cards with Daily Planet coupons.

Tourist: Oh, yeah, I see…

Man: Yeah, great, now you see. You think about that while I’m on line for food stamps. See ya around, I’m late already.

 

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Milestones of Journalistic Excellitude

8 Aug

August 8, 2014

There’s a lot of speculation over the hotly anticipated Batman v Superman movie. How badly will Ben Affleck suck? Is this nothing more than a Dark Knight Returns rip-off? Will Kevin Smith ever shut up about this movie?

Luckily, there’s the internet to tell us exactly what’s going on.

bat article

 

There you have it fans, straight from the International Business Times, via Badass Digest. With unnamed sources like that, how could this possibly be wrong?

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With a scoop like that, you need a SPOILER WARNING!

For its awesome journalism, not to mention enviable math skills, I present the 2014 Milestones in Journalistic Excellitude Award to Tanya Diente! (Actually, based on that article, I’m starting to doubt if Batman will be in Batman v Superman.)

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The Saturday Comics: Mutts Comic Cons 2014

30 Jul

July 29, 2014

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Every year at San Diego Comic Con time, Patrick McDonnell turns over a week of his brilliant Mutts strip to superheroes. Too bad for them, they are always tormented by Bip and Bop, a pair of squirrels, sure to be their newest arch-villains, who live in what must be the most perfect tree in the world, as every hero is compelled to spend a few minutes in its shade. In the past, he’s done DC heroes one year, Marvel the next, but this time he’s mixed them up. Bonus points if you can identify the classic cover he’s paying homage to in the Sunday strip.

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