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Fun With Really Bad Photoshop: Superman

18 May

May 18, 2015

The two or three surviving regular readers of this blog (used to be six, sorry about the bird flu) know that I am terrible with Photoshop. I am so terrible that I put it in italics, and you know that’s bad. How bad is it? My Photoshop skills are so bad that I don’t even have Photoshop! That’s right, all the lousy Photoshop is actually lousy Paint.

Anyway, I was surfing the net looking for porn doing research for my Master’s thesis in advanced quantum theory when I came across a panel from a Silver Age issue of Superman. Back then, Superman had such powers as super-ventriloquism, super-kiss (lucky Lois!) and the ability to rip a cellophane version of his symbol off his chest and smother a super-villain, for a second or two, until it disappears leaving no ill-effects. Seriously, Superman II, what were you thinking?

Well, he also had a super-sneeze, one which was so powerful that he could destroy whole solar systems. Why they didn’t bring that back in the New 52 is beyond me.

Anyway, it just seemed to me that a super-sneeze is silly, but with a little Photoshop trickery (very little) I could make that same power, with just a little tweak, very funny.

silly funny

How about that? Seamless! You’d hardly know that I am the Photoshop user equivalent of a one-armed spider monkey.

But seriously, or at least as seriously as you can take a discussion of Superman farting, isn’t it logical that if Superman’s body could generate the pressure to release a super-sneeze, it could also release a super-fart?

DC really needs to explore this.

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The Saturday Comics: Alley Oop, May 2015

16 May

May 16, 2015

Saturday Comics likes to check in on classic strips and see how they are faring in the modern age. Alley Oop began in 1932 and is still lurching along, I checked in on it in 2011 and again in 2012. I wasn’t impressed. In fact, in 2011 I was convinced they had stooped so as low as to be ripping me off! (And if you are ripping off Mr. Blog’s Tepid Timewaster, that’s low.)

Before going on, it would be very helpful to you to read that 2012 run, as it is very similar to this week’s run. Just click here.

Back then, I complained that it was slow moving and really, nothing much happened in that series. Now let’s see what’s happening right now, in the weeks ending with May 15. I can’t wait!

oop 2015

Please note that I have no copyright or ownership of Alley Oop, nor is any implied.

Well that sucked.

Talk about long goodbyes! OK, I had the misfortune to come in at the end of a storyline, but how long is it going to take to start the next one? I think nine days is long enough to get moving, especially considering that the majority of the strips are concerned with characters who are leaving the storyline, and presumably won’t be seen again, or at least for quite some time.

But man, nine days? Do I really want to stick around? No I do not.

And to make matters worse, here is the Sunday strip that went in the middle of all that.

Alley Oop Comic

Seriously?

Wow, I could have skipped all the dailies and just read the Sunday strip. Some strips have separate Sunday stories, some continue the weekly story, this one is just a recap! (And the art is recycled from the weeklies too.)

This strip used to be huge. What the heck happened? Dick Tracy still manages to be a fun and well-written strip after all these years so I can’t blame age. I think this strip (and yes, this is a very limited view of the strip) needs an injection of new blood.

I’ll check back in another three years. I’m sure that by then Oop will be, well, probably about the same.

In Search of… Ghosts

3 May

May 3, 2015

in search of ghosts

In  the realm of the paranormal, ghosts are the average, garden-variety cryptoid. They are not mythic, like the Loch Ness Monster, nor are they the cause of mass hysteria, like UFOs. And Sasquatch is much, much sexier, with its come-hither eyes. Ghosts are an afterthought, In fact, in the  family of psychical research, ghosts are the sheet wearing little brother. But are they real? Do they exist? Can I as an unpaid blogger, make money off them? Let’s find out.

The first ghost

It has to be assumed that the first ghost was probably the first dead caveman. Unless you think that dinosaur ghosts existed, and wouldn’t they be extinct anyway? That’s a question for sillier minds than mine. Anyway, the first cavemen was probably a very confused soul, pun very much intended. Maybe not funny, but intended.

DYING CAVEMAN: Oook! Ook ook! Ack! (Dies)

And that’s it. Since there were no other caveman ghosts to tell him to go to the light, he probably ended up wandering the world for the rest of time. He’s probably in your house right now, trying to make fire in your toilet. (Watch out.)

dead barney rubble

Ghosts of the Classic Era

When was the Classic Era? This author dates if from 1941 to 1971, the dates of publication of Classic Comics. Ironically, Classic Comics only published one ghost story. (A Christmas Carol.)

The most interesting and well-documented ghost story to come out of this era was undoubtedly 13 Ghosts. This is the true story of a man named Zorba who inherited a house haunted by- wait for it- 13 ghosts, in 3D. For some reason, one of the ghost was a headless lion tamer and his lion, which inexplicably did not count as two ghosts. Did the circus ever stop by this house? The catch was that ghost hunters wishing to explore the haunted house could only see the ghosts with the aid of special glasses which were only sold in theaters. This made it difficult for legitimate researchers to search for ghosts since they rarely had time off during the day to stop by the theater. Well-known ghost hunter Martin Milner, knowing that a fortune was hidden in the house, tried to swindle Zorba by wearing a rubber mask. (This case certainly lacked the thrills of the Amityville Horror.) By sheer coincidence, Martin Milner went on to star in a movie called 13 Ghosts, a children’s film about haunted numbers.

13 ghosts phooey

Civil War Ghosts

These are the lost souls of the 173rd Ghost Regiment, the only group of fighting ghosts in the entire war.

So get to it. Are ghosts real?

Um sure, why not?

To learn more about ghosts, stop by your local cemetery and spent the night there. Kids, always get your parents permission before fooling around with the supernatural.

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