Archive | Books RSS feed for this section

The Worst Line Ever Written In All Of Star Wars

23 Nov

November 23, 2015

Aftermath, written by Chuck Wendig in, I think, about 20 minutes, is the new Star Wars novel, bridging the events of Return of the Jedi and The Force Awakens. If you ever wanted to read a Star Wars book not starring any Star Wars characters and not taking place in any familiar Star Wars locales, with a cast of characters you really don’t give a bleep about, then Aftermath is the book for you.

 On the other hand, if you can overlook the little things, like plot and dialogue, it’s really not too bad. To be fair, there were 6 pages with Han Solo that were interesting. The other 360? Not so much.

However, there was a hidden gem of awfulness stuck in the middle. It was a line that jumped out of the page and stuck on the bottom of my shoe like a sticky lump. For no particular reason, the scene shifted to a fight between bounty hunter Dengar (from The Empire Strikes Back) and a new character ridiculously named Mercurial Swift.

I cannot stress strongly enough that Mercurial Swift is not a potion used by Harry Potter, it is a character’s name in Star Wars.


Dengar is the smelly looking one on the left.

I believe this to be the worst thing ever written in all of Star Wars, and remember- it is in competition with every single thing Jar Jar Binks ever said.

Page 182
(Dengar to Mercurial Swift)

“Oh ho ho, you think I’ve lost a step, huh?”
“Can’t lose a step you never had.”
Dengar guffaws. “You little scrap muncher. I was putting away bounties while you were still in your space diapers.”
“What’s it say about you that you’re still in your space diapers?”
“You don’t much like me, do you?”

Anyway, aside from the fact that Dengar speaks like he’s in an old Errol Flynn pirate movie (“Oh ho ho”), what’s with “space diapers”?  Are they different than regular diapers? Do little kids in Star Wars sleep in space cribs and eat space oatmeal? Why was it important to stress that these are space diapers?

NOTE TO CHUCK WENDIG: On any planet they would still be called plain old diapers.

NOTE TO SELF: Do not buy any more books written by Chuck Wendig.



The Saturday Comics: Introducing Red Hot!

28 Sep

September 28, 2015


red hot 1 2

Mike Luoma
Rhys ap Gwyn

Mike Luoma
Juan Carlos Quattordio
Bettina Fertitta

How do you prove you’re a hero?

That’s the question the new Red Hot is out to answer in Introducing Red Hot. He’s a third generation hero, just starting out, and eager to prove he’s worthy of his legacy. As you might imagine, things do not go smoothly, and a simple bank robbery has far-reaching, and deadly, consequences.

The story is fast-paced and in this age of stories that take five issues to tell what should be wrapped up in five pages, that’s refreshing. The fast pace does not sacrifice either plot or character development. I’m going to keep this review spoiler free, but you will be introduced to not only Red Hot, but the super-group The Team and various members, including Leader One, Mister Velocity, and Mind Man. In a field dominated by The Avengers and the Justice League, it would be easy to simply write a Superman analog, a Batman-type, and a Captain America stand-in to round out the cast, but each character has a distinct personality, and none are designed to look like obvious knock-offs. Effort has gone into making these characters distinct.

Mike Luoma writes the book and his dialogue shows an ear for realism. The art favors dynamic layouts and bold colors, and that just adds to the fun. The artists change from the first to second issue, and while the art is clearly different, both have a similar style, keeping Red Hot consistent from issue to issue.

The bottom line is that these are fun comics. They are serious and dramatic, but handled in such a way that you know you are in a comic book universe. So many other, hugely-selling comics strive for “realism” and lose the magic of the comic book medium. This one embraces it.

I’m ready for issue three.

Mike Luoma has written more than just Introducing Red Hot. If you like this, check out his other works. You can get Introducing Red Hot in digital or print, plus Tales of The Team, Vatican Assassin, and lots of others at Indy Planet just by clicking here:


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 519 other followers

%d bloggers like this: