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Fun With The Google Doodle AKA Is That Fred Sanford?

9 Feb

February 9, 2016

I am sorry to inform you, Dear Readers, that Allan Keyes has returned to the pages of The Tepid Ride, for apparently no other reason than to insult me. Letters of complaint should be addressed to Allan Keyes himself, as we disavow all knowledge of his activities.

keyes1.jpg

Allan Keyes is back, baby! Now that Mr. Blog has lifted his restraining order, I am back to doing what I do best- improving Mr. Blog’s internet ranking. Just look at this chart I made up found on the internet:

Views of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride when Allan Keyes does not post 13 views per month
Views of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride when there is a new Allan Keyes masterpiece 1,068 views per minute

So Mr. Blog needs me, and if he knows what’s good for him he’ll keep those checks coming.

Anyway, when I am not pursuing my highly rewarding career as a master vintner, I can often be found on the internet, where I use my time productively googling things like old Moms Mabley performances on YouTube.

Google does a stupid picture (my God, I am not going to type “google doodle,” that’s just wrong) for pretty much any event, so according to google, Black History Month is just as important as the birthday of the guy who got a high score on Frogger. Now Allan Keyes is nothing if not loving and tolerant, unless you piss me off, so I have to stand up for Frederick Douglass.

This is the google doodle (ok, I did it) they used to honor Frederick Douglass:

clean google

Now I know as much about Black History as the next guy, as long as the next guy is also white, but I say that is not Frederick Douglass, it’s Redd Foxx.

foxx meme

And trust me, no one has done more for black history than Redd Foxx. Except maybe Frederick Douglass. And a lot of other people. But none of them have gotten away with saying this on network TV:

Ah, I love the 70’s. No one gave a crap back then. Tarzan movie, HA! Does laughing at that make me a racist? Uh oh.

But getting back to the point, whatever it was, it turns out that Redd Foxx is a dead ringer for Frederick Douglas

Frederick_Douglass_portrait_900x6002

celebrating-frederick-douglass-6263843829317632-hp

So to sum up:
– Allan Keyes is back
– Screw you Mr. Blog
– Frederick Douglass was born too soon to do standup in Las Vegas
– He also kinda looks like Moses in that doodle too
– Here’s the return of the Fat Guy Eating a Cheeseburger

fat guy beef

 

 

 

 

 

Sephora Can’t Handle Saarah

25 Jan

January 25, 2016

Together, Saarah and I are one of Sephora’s top tweets. Too bad, since we’ve been blasting them online.

I am honored to be among the likes of Seventeen Magazine.

I am honored to be among the likes of Seventeen Magazine.

If all it takes to become a Top Tweet is to call them evil, then they should love my next tweet where I call them satanic devil worshipers. I may be their #1 all-time fan.

It all began as I detailed here, with a bad experience at Sephora on Court Street in Brooklyn. I went with Saarah and we were treated as though we were covered in feces and swastikas (i.e: not treated well at all.) We complained to a clueless “manager” named Gerald who only managed to make us feel as though we were talking to a man who somehow made it through life with only four working neurons in his brain. (Three of them were busy working his mouth, while the fourth was wondering if he just swallowed a fly.) So of course, we did what anyone else would have done. We tweeted our disgust.

twitter crop 1twitter crop 2 atwitter crop 2twitter crop 3Sephora has a crack team of social marketers. They monitor the internet, scour the web, and quickly and personally react and respond to any mention of their product. They put out fires, solve problems, and make customers happy.

twitter 1

HA! I was just kidding! They have either an automated response system or an idiot working Twitter.

But I am not one to suffer idiots.

twitter crop 6

And in case they didn’t get the message the first time:

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My retweet of Saarah’s blog became, briefly, the number 3 Top Tweet at Sephora. As I write this we are still at number 20.

Saarah was also busy tweeting at them.

twitter crop 3

Saarah is smart. Much smarter than Sephora. It wasn’t enough to target Sephora. She also made sure to let their business partners and influential makeup bloggers know the score.

twitter 5

Sephora doesn’t know what they are in for.

 

Saarah can be found on Twitter @Brooklynrants and online at Rants of a Brooklynite.

incredible-melting-man-2

 

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