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On behalf of all men, I apologize.

21 Oct

October 21, 2014

On behalf of all men, I apologize to intelligent women everywhere.

Specifically, I apologize for this insipid, ridiculous Sprint ad, which could only have been created by a male advertising executive. (Advertising executives are pretty much on the bottom of the ladder of tastefulness, only rivaled by used car salesmen and members of Congress.)

I apologize for this commercial, which makes otherwise adult and seemingly intelligent women turn into superficial children, little more than giggling screaming, orgasmic banshees at the mere thought of a new phone.

It is dumb and offensive, plain and simple.

I am sorry, ladies. I apologize.

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And Judy Greer, you should know better. 

 

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Arise, Pumpkins, Arise!: Rise of the Jack-o-Lanterns 2014

19 Oct

October 19, 2014

For the third year in a row, I went to the dark and spooky Old Westbury Gardens for the annual Rise of the Jack-o-Lanterns! This is where you walk through a dark country park with spooky music playing, all the while gawking at amazing pumpkins. It is always a lot of fun and this year, they made sure that the carvings were all new. In fact, all three years I’ve been there, they’ve changed it up every year. You can see pics from previous years here (Jack-o-Lantern Avengers) and here (Big Bang Theory pumpkins). Be on the lookout for some Modern Family pumpkins in this assortment.

Click on the thumbnails for larger images.

Thanks to Allan Keyes for allowing me to use some of his pictures.

 

Another Night With John Newly

18 Oct

October 18, 2014

Strange Theremin music plays in the background.

Lying Awake with John Newly airs six nights a week from midnight to six am. Callers are welcome on the studio line, 1-800-463-WKAT, the international line by calling overseas operator 27, or the special “I’m calling from a UFO hotline,” 1-800-UFO -IGOT. And now, here’s John Newly.

Music fades out, show begins.

Good morning everyone, it’s after midnight and we’re Lying Awake. I’ve got a great show for you tonight. Out first guest will be Professor Victor Danzig to discuss his latest breakthrough in the field of animal thought transference and with him is Abbott Curry, who spent a week living the life of a chicken. Wow, that’s amazing stuff. Later on we’ll do some ghost hunting with Peter Blake and we’ll also talk to a man who claims that sunspots can sure acne. But first, I’ll be taking your calls right after these messages.

Commercial for WKAT 463 am radio’s listener anti-bullying Old Western Cook-Out and Jamboree, sponsored by Mike’s Meat.

Commercial for John Newly’s new book, The Psychic Way to a Clean Colon.

Promo for the WKAT afternoon drive program, Jo-Jo and the Spot.

We’re back and my producer Fast Eddie tells me that we’ll have to reschedule ghost hunter Peter Blake for another night. Apparently he’s having phone troubles. But that just means we’ll have more time for your calls. It’s a quarter past the hour and our first caller is Pete from Tampa Florida. Welcome to Lying Awake, Pete.

-Hello?

Hi Pete, go ahead, you’re on the air.

-I have a question for the chicken man.

He’ll be on later in the hour, be sure to call in again. Next up, let’s try the international line. Hello, who do we have?

-Hi, my name is Louis. I’m calling from France but I’m originally from The United States. Hello?

I’m here, what’s on your mind?

-Well, back when I was a kid, we had these things we called straws, only they weren’t straws, they were like these things we rolled up. I lived on a farm. Well, we had these straws which you made by rolling up like a shoot of wheat.

Uh huh.

-But it didn’t have to be wheat, it could be barley or corn leaves, or whatever, and we’d chew on them, like out of the corner of our mouths, you know, like a straw, all rolled up?

I think we can all picture it Louis.

-So I’m wondering, like you know how you hear all about GMO’s nowadays? I’m wondering if maybe all those straws I put in my mouth maybe had the GMO stuff in them and gave me mouth cancer? 

What did your doctor say?

- Well has says I don’t have any cancer in my mouth, but you know, I’m worried. I’m 84 an what if one day I get the mouth cancer?

Only your doctor can prescribe a course of treatment, but I always believe in the power of positive thought. Just imagine that you don’t have mouth cancer and I bet you won’t get it. We’ll be back with Professor Victor Danzig and Abbott Curry, who lived as a chicken for an entire week, right after this.

how-to-buy-live-chicken_WidePlayer

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