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Other Slogans Starbucks Considered Writing on Cups before “Race Together”

25 Mar

March 25, 2015

1- Want a scone with this, Whitey?

2- This is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe?

3- Go Sox

4- Draw a funny mustache on this picture of a Republican

The_Subsidised_Mineowner

5- This is Starbucks. Why are we talking about race when this store is 90% white hipsters? Let’s talk skinny jeans instead.

 

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John Newly Is Taking Calls (Lying Awake #7)

18 Mar

March 18, 2015

1275923315_96962728_1-online-radio-host-required-multan-1275923315

- Ed from Michigan, you’re next on Lying Awake.

- John?

-Go ahead Ed, I’m listening.

- BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY STERN RULES BAB-*

- Hmm, Ed seemed to be talking in tongues. I wonder if he was possessed. Next up, Brad from New York. Hi Brad, how are you tonight

- Uh, I’m ok. Um, I’ve got a question for John.

- I’m John, go ahead with your question.

- Well, what I want to know is, why don’t you stick your head up a dead bear’s -*

- Whoa, whoa. Eddie, who’s screening tonight? That’s Fast Eddie, my producer I’m talking to. No one?

(inaudible, off mic.)

- Seriously? Art used to do unscreened open lines all the time? Really?

(inaudible, off mic.)

- Alright, we have time for one more call before the break. Bob, from Bowie Maryland, you’re on Lying Awake.

- BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY HOWARD STERN!

- Sigh, we’ll be right back after these words from all natural herbal formic acid remedies.

- STERN RULES!

rizzo3-500x500

 

 

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Apartment Hunting Nightmare #2: The Missing Room

17 Mar

March 17, 2015

You are looking for: A three room, one bedroom apartment. Close to the subway a must.

Picture this: Your real estate agent has just what you are looking for. Meet him at 3:00 to see the apartment. You get there and the nearest train is a couple of miles away. There is no street parking in front of the house, which is along a highway exit ramp. The building it is in has rusty children’s toys in front. This is in no way suitable, but the agent asks to you to see the apartment anyway as he made the appointment and does not want to break his word to the owner. (Of course, he has broken his word to you.) You go upstairs and see: One large kitchen, one tiny bedroom, and a bathroom. This is not a three room apartment. The owner claims that yes it is, counting the bathroom. You leave. And you never did find out what lies behind the padlocked door in the kitchen, which seemed to be set into the outside wall of this second story apartment yet was not visible from the street.

True story.

1637137-old-lock-on-a-door

 

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