September 23. 2013
At the risk of being sued by Corey Feldman, Mr. Blog Presents:
So this happened:
“I went to Corey Feldman’s Birthday Party”
Just take a minute to process it all…..
There’re several hi-larious angles to this story including:
- The author of this has the snort-inducing name of “Jamie Lee Curtis Taete” as opposed to the real Jamie Lee Curtis who is busy these days looking rather mannish and selling poop-inducing yogurt on TV.
- Corey Feldman, whom was given final approval of the content of the article, has been angrily running around saying he was misquoted. As I said, hi-larious. Now on to the pathetic parts!
You probably know Corey Feldman from classic movies like Lost Boys, Stand By Me, and the Goonies. But for the last year or so, he’s been working on a new project, a “360-degree interactive experience” called Corey’s Angels. Corey’s Angels are, essentially, Corey’s version of the Playboy Playmates: a gang of handpicked babes who constantly surround him. Only instead of chilling at the Playboy Mansion, they gather with Corey in his house (which he’s dubbed “The Feldmansion”).
The “Feldmansion”??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! So we have an “eccentric” former child star and budding recluse setting himself up as a thrift-store version of a modern-day Hugh Hefner, whom himself has become a sad parody of what he used to be. Ok then. I’m sure it will work out swimmingly. At least Hef gets the beauties flocking around him because they want to appear in his magazines, TV shows, and something amazingly known as “Playboy Radio” which is the most mind-numbingly stupid idea imaginable for obvious reasons. Anyway, I digress. I’m SURE that the Feld-man gets the best hotties around to be his “angels” (angel being a euphemism for “ho”)
Nice Jacket Hef – is that a Roselli??
That’s right girl…..PLEASE keep that blue jacket on.
Wow….them’s some fugly “angels” I’d rather spend time with one of those Angels of Death who run around the hospitals putting the terminal cases out of their misery.
But hey, what the party lacked in local talent surely made up for it with HOT ACTION:
Corey’s house was just as sick as you’d expect it to be. It was like the kind of bachelor pad you own in your dreams—if your dreams weren’t totally lame. Dude has a pool table and a Street Fighter 2 machine right in his fucking living room.
People are generally only this bored at one of MY parties, and I can’t even offer booze, a pool or a Street Fighter 2 video game. Veggie burgers and Zima are what’s on my menu and all the ColecoVision you can stomach. I mean geeze….this is Corey Fricking Feldman, one of the most happening guys on the planet…..if you can’t have fun with him, you can’t have fun PERIOD!
Yeah, that last one kinda says it all, doesn’t it? Feldman looks like one of those creepy street magicians who pesters you for a donation and that chick can’t suck in the weed fast enough to dull her sense of shame and world-weariness, the exact same feeling I have trying to write about this.
I kind of think Feldman has a David Lee Roth thing going on myself…
More pictures at the link. The fun part is that even though Corey HIMSELF approved the final text, he’s complaining about how bad it made him look:
http://www.avclub.com/articles/corey-feldman-threw-himself-a-250perguy-birthday-p,102029/ (and god bless the A/V club for their epic win of a title)
“It’s called defamation of character and slander n I’m pretty sure those things r still illegal n this country,” Feldman tweeted
In an even MORE monumental moment of self-unawareness, Feldman went so far as portray himself as a victim:
“Bullying is present in schools, homes, professional environments and online and here is a case no different from just that,” Feldman stated. “I can take criticism, but what people are saying online as of late is far beyond that”
Poor, poor Corey. I mean, what’s the world coming to when a pathetic has-been can’t throw himself a birthday party featuring mediocre day-stripper level (at best) paid entertainment in his underwhelming mansion without being criticized? I mean geeze, what a rotten country we’ve become.
BONUS! BONUS! MEME LAUNCHER! MEME LAUNCHER! I THINK WE MAY HAVE A NEW MEME ON TAP!