Archive | 12:01 am

Totally T-Boz: Totally T-Sad

7 Jan

January 7, 2013

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So I saw this commercial yesterday while watching a Say Yes to the Dress marathon (don’t judge me!) and I saw this commercial:

               

(Mr. BTR Says: She is trying too hard. Waaaaay to hard.)        

Well, my first thought was “Wow! Mary J. Blige has really let herself go!” But upon further review, I find out this is someone called “T-Boz”…..who has really let herself go.

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Who is this T-Cell person, and why does she have a reality show? Besides TLC needing a minority answer to the Honey Boo Boo juggernaut that is.  I assume she’s a has-been of some sort, the name sort of rings a bell. Where do I know this person from???? Ah yes, she’s a member of girl group TLC. They were quite big at one time. I believe their two big hits were “Waterfalls” and “Creep.” I know this because of one of my favorite sports  stories ever involved one of them –  frontwoman Lisa “Left Eye” (hahahahahahahahahaha) Lopez  burned down her boyfriend’s (NFL star Andre Rison) mansion after he cheated on her. That’s hardcore revenge right there yo. Well, when you date a girl with a street alias, you’re bound to hit a rough patch every now and then. If you remind me, one day I’ll write about the trouble I had with my ex-girlfriend Jenny Methlab.

Anyway, back to T-Bone here and her pathetic attempt at relevance. I see that former TLC mate “Chilly” is also in the show (I suppose Chilly is a marginally better name for a woman than “Frigid”) so it’s at least a guaranteed 4-episode paycheck for the two of them, so there’s that.  It’s simply pitiful how hard T-MZ is trying to get some juice into this. “It takes a village to raise me baby” – SEE, SHE’S WILD! SHE’LL HAVE SOME DRAMA!  And she’s brought some “crazy” (mostly fat) family and friends to make it happen.  SEE, IT’S CRAZY! SHE’LL HAVE SOME ADVENTURES WITH HER FAT DANCING FAMILY!

But for me, the awful part happens at the end of this commercial, when she tries to remind everyone that she actually had a hit once, and does a little impromptu chorus from “Creep”.   I’ll wait while you watch it again to savor the craptastic experience in full……  EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW……let’s just say the results are underwhelming. For those of you who don’t remember, compare her awful attempt here to the actual version from back in the day:

(PS – I recommend you watch this video multiple times for the various hilarious anti-meth ads they make you sit through)

Anyway, I think T-Square here is destined to never make it again in music. Listen to her voice, she’s closer to Clarence Frogman Henry (speed to 1:29 to see what I mean) than her younger self.

But you know what? I’ve seen this all before. Someone already did this better. WAY better:

Now that’s a show I’d watch!

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