My Review of Long Island Medium

24 Oct

October 24, 2011

TLC has a lousy show about a psychic housewife from Long Island. I have not seen it but how could it not be lousy?

Long Island Medium stars a woman who, to put it kindly, is just what you think of when you think “Long Island housewife.” The premise is that she has a normal Long Island housewife life, goes Long Island housewife grocery shopping, works out at the Long Island housewife gym, whatever, and BAM! PSYCHIC FLASH! -the yenta somehow gets an insight into the life of some random stranger whom she has to accost on the street and annoy.

Who came up with the title “Long Island Medium”? What kind of a boring, unimaginative name is that? I can only imagine the rejected names- “Medium from Long Island” and “The Long Island Medium.”

As I said, I have not seen this show, but I have seen the commercials.

The most amazing one goes like this. She is in a gym (and she can use a few more squat thrusts if you know what I mean) and some other woman tells her to use her mystic mojo on some guy across the room. He’s a fireman and she asks him if something bad ever happened to him. The guy is a fireman. A New York City fireman. See where this is going?

The fireman breaks down and in tears says that “I was supposed to be at work on 9/11…”

Get it? She went up to a New York City fireman around the 10th anniversary of the WTC tragedy and asked him if anything bad ever happened to him? I’m no psychic but I could have predicted that answer.

And – BAM! PSYCHIC FLASH! I am getting a vision! I think that something bad has happened to you too! Tell me, oh reader, has anything bad ever happened to you? Yes? I knew it!

Yeah, get the point? Go up to anyone and ask a cold, open-ended question and see if damn, you aren’t psychic too. It helps if they already think you are a psychic and are ready to believe whatever you say.

PSYCHIC: “I am getting a strong feeling, a woman who died, she was close to you…”
RUBE: “Yes, yes, oh yes….” breaks into sobs.
PSYCHIC: “I sense it is your mother.”
RUBE’S MOTHER: “I’m sitting right here.”
PSYCHIC: “A grandmother, perhaps?”
RUBE: “OH MY GOD! My grandmother! How did you know?”
ME: “Hey tool, ask any adult about a dead relative and the odds are really good it is a parent or grandparent.”

It doesn’t take Criswell to predict that this show sucks.

About these ads

16 Responses to “My Review of Long Island Medium”

  1. Mac of BIOnighT October 24, 2011 at 12:25 am #

    I so wish I could watch this… :-P

    (by the way, pointy shoes and square fingernails make my libido disapper faster than a ghost in the sunlight)

    • bmj2k October 24, 2011 at 12:43 am #

      I often go out of my way to find an unflattering picture but in this case they were all unflattering.

      • Daniel October 24, 2011 at 7:03 am #

        She looks like a wishing troll doll with a different hair – style, a boob – job, & a somewhat trampy outfit. ;)

    • Thomas Stazyk October 24, 2011 at 12:44 am #

      There’s a lot about that pictures that makes my libido disappear!

  2. Thomas Stazyk October 24, 2011 at 12:37 am #

    If they are so desperate for shows that they have crap like that, they should just bring back Addams Family and F-Troop and shows like that and the IQ of the country will go up.

    • bmj2k October 24, 2011 at 12:40 am #

      Total agreement. I just got a new cable channel and I have been watching GREAT old shows like Jack Benny, Alfred Hitchcock presents, and Adam-12.

    • Daniel October 24, 2011 at 12:50 am #

      Addams Family, F – Troop, MASH, Marcus Welby, M.D., ANYTHING but the dreck they show nowadays. Exceptions : NCIS, House MD, Bones, Burn Notice ( Hey, it’s got Bruce Campbell, for Heaven’s sake ), In Plain Sight,

      One reality show I liked was ” ODDITIES ” – Kinda like ” Friday the 13th -The Series ” without the cursed objects & with eccentrics. ComCast dropped Discovery Science 2 or 3 months ago.

  3. Daniel October 24, 2011 at 6:58 am #

    SyFy had a series called ” Mary Knows All “, ” Mary Knows Best ” or some such title, w / the title character being a loud – mouthed, bossy psychic woman on Long Island. It didn’t even last half a season before they yanked the plug. No wonder – The promos showed her as just downright ABRASIVE, & I couldn’t even stand THEM, much less an actual episode.

    • bmj2k October 24, 2011 at 6:12 pm #

      Oh man, I remember that! I never watched it because it looked like crap.

      • Daniel October 24, 2011 at 8:44 pm #

        OK – The kicker. How come she couldn’t tell that the show was going to be a piece of crud that didn’t even last a season, if she was TRULY PSYCHIC ? ;)

        Imponderable.

        • bmj2k October 24, 2011 at 8:47 pm #

          Crud or not, (and it is crud) she saw the cash they offered her. Green cash trumps brown crud every time.

          • Daniel October 24, 2011 at 8:57 pm #

            Yep. TV technology has gotten hi – tech & unusually fantastic, but a lot of the contemporary shows are 24 K cow -& – horse – flop. Which is why my tv serves double – duty as an extra lamp with white noise.

  4. Challis April 5, 2012 at 5:04 pm #

    As a rule, I don’t put much stock into a review of something the the reviewer has no first-hand knowlege of…
    your snotty, too-cool-for-school attitude isn’t giving you much credibility either.

    • bmj2k April 5, 2012 at 8:15 pm #

      I have to agree with you. I would not take this review seriously either. But you are not at NewYorkTimes.com or even TVGuide.com, you are at a site run by a guy who reviews things sight unseen with a snotty attitude. I’m not sure what you think this site is, but I am not striving for credibility here. I write fart jokes.

      But to be fair, Long Island Medium is a piece of shit and no matter how many episodes you watch, I am still right.

  5. Danielle September 24, 2012 at 1:17 am #

    You shouldn’t review a show you have not seen.
    @Daniel – it’s on for a second season, so you also don’t know what you’re talking about.

    • bmj2k September 24, 2012 at 6:11 am #

      That is an old review and I have seen it since then. The show is a total joke.

Have something to say? Let's hear it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 406 other followers

%d bloggers like this: