April 25, 2011
I guess I spend too much time on eBay. Of course, spending time on eBay isn’t the problem, spending money is. My last two purchases were Dark Shadows volume 26 (the final one, so my marathon is nearing the finish line) and a small Gumby. However, there are many items that are far more useless than a small Gumby. I know that sounds impossible but here are some that I stumbled upon recently.
Yep, expired coupons, and there are a lot more than you’d expect for sale. Especially if you are like me and expected none.
The description went on to explain that many stores don’t look too closely at coupons and their scanners aren’t always up to date so maybe you can use these. I say that if you are going to commit coupon fraud just for a can of beans then they better be magic beans. Anyway, I’m not sure that intentionally using expired coupons is a crime and if it is, it isn’t in the same class as incest or menacing but it certainly stinks of lowlife. How much can a can of cat food cost? After you factor in the 99 cents you spent on the coupon are you really getting a good deal? This is for greater (cheaper) minds than me to ponder.
And speaking of good deals, I need to tell you that shipping is free with this one. As the description states, “it was my bad.” This is a stained shirt, already worn, that a pen exploded on and the lower half, which the picture does not show, is mostly covered in blue ink.
So strike one, it is a worn t-shirt, and strike two, it has a big stain. Who wants to buy this? Someone seems to since it has two bids. Someone actually bid a penny for this. This is no kind of bargain because when it arrives you are likely going to wonder “how drunk was I?” and then throw it away. And how desperate is the seller to get rid of it that he is going to sell it for a penny and lose money on the shipping? Just throw it out! It isn’t valuable, rare, or vintage. Reality check: it is a worn, stained shirt. Happy bidding!
OK, I’ll go there. It looks like vomit. Someone you don’t know made this at home and you are going to rub it all over your face? You get what you deserve.
And here’s one for the ladies.
It is a pair of men’s underwear turned into a woman’s top. Stop right there, that’s already enough for Fashion Week, but to add the witty phrase “you can see who wears the pants in this family”? Genius. And wrong. Because clearly the man wears the pants in the family if he can make you wear that monstrosity. Technically, you wear the underpants in the family. Think about it. If you bid on this you are saying that yes, you want to walk around wearing a pair of underwear for a top. There is a Jeff Foxworthy joke in here somewhere. Move along.
I love this one. I am a fan of vintage photos but I found this when I searched “missing head.” You never know what will turn up.
They had me at the description. “Fatty w/ camera missing his head vintage snapshot photo.” And the picture? A fat guy with a camera from the torso down. Look at it for awhile. We can only see one hand but I bet the other is holding an ice cream cone. I imagine him wearing some 1950′s/60′s touristy hat. In fact, I’m imagining Jackie Gleason from Don’t Drink the Water.
Want it? You can buy it on eBay for $7.92.